So you want to be a babe.......Now that's what I call ambition! To follow this guide right down to a T, you would have no time for serious academic work (some unique excuses do work though) and maybe you'll get unceremoniously bundled out of uni. But, you would achieve babe status and really, my dear, the fastest route up the social ladder ain't by that degree those other fools are chasing after anyway. In the real world, it's by marriage. Hmm...or being a mistress of some tycoon or moghul or monarch....you get my drift....So if this is your aspiration, go fer it gal! And THIS guide is your holy bible.
1. What's a BABE?
OED Definition : girl or young woman (OED).
ARTS FACULTY Definition : girl, young woman, sweet
young thing. Scores high in the looks department. On the dream list of every
hot-blooded male. Potential road hazard ( guys can't take their eyes off a
babe long enough to watch for traffic). Low IQ (usually but not typically
the case. I mean, you gotta have some of this to make sense of all those
cosmetic products, right?)
2. How to be a babe...
What you
need :
(a) Long, silky, flowing tresses. (Color and style : seasonal. Depends on whims and fancies of fashion stylists Hollywood celebrities and supermodels consult and whose names you don't have to know how to pronounce).
> Obtain this by making frequent visits to the hairstylist to cut, style, steam, color, to achieve and maintain those tresses. Your safest bet is a hairstylist who'd do your hair only by appointment and who'd charge you upwards of $200 for a simple hairdo.
(b) Fully made-up face. (Click here.) (Colors, shades and tones : seasonal. Depends on the same people above).
> Reference material : women's magazines, for example, Her World, Cleo, or Go. They are an important source of information on make-up, cosmetic products and the like. Many a babe who've made it swear by these mags.
(c) Slim, slender body or fleshy, curvaceous one ( Men have yet to reach a consensus, but both body types have their fair share of admirers.) For the latter type, an hour-glass figure with the vital stats of 36-24-36 is much preferred and most desired. (Babehood doesn’t mean inflexibility. Of course, variations are allowed, silly, but just keep to the hour-glass mould).
(d) Tight, spaghetti-strapped or V-necked, body-hugging tops. ( To show of the body. You don’t want to waste all those hours at the gym and that torturous diet you may or may not have to undergo, do you?)
> These are easily available. For good quality and nice fabric, try upmarket branded local and foreign fashion stores along Orchard Road. Otherwise, stores selling mass-produced Hong Kong exports like "This Fashion" and neighbourhood shops which sometimes give good value for money will suffice.
(e) Even tighter, pants/capris/jeans. (For the same reason)
(f) Ultra-short skirts/hot pants. (Yup, refer to the reason given for (d)).
(g) Body-hugging dresses/sheaths and revealing sun-dresses. (Same. You should have, by now, figured out the relationship between that to-die-for body and tight clothing.)
(h) Heeled footwear--platforms, mules, clogs. (Never sandals/slippers unless they are dressy types or made by Kenneth Cole. Heeled footwear creates the illusion of height so that your legs look longer and more alluring although these can be tricky on wet ground and NUS' hilly terrain. Trackshoes (preferably Nikes) are occasionally okay, depending on outfit.)
What
you don't need:
(b)
calories.
(You have to constantly watch your waistline so cut out all ice-cream, cheese,
milk, alcohol, or anything containing fat, carbohydrates or starch. Cut out food
if you can. Real babes live on air alone.)
(c)
a
life (Better not to have one since eating and partying are both out for you and
lack of carbo and gym workout sessions will leave you tired anyway.)
