Staring down at my favorite Nikes, I thought about Kevin. He had bought them for me, a present for my birthday last year. I had wanted them so badly, this particular pair, but I couldn’t spare the cash. Money simply flew out of my wallet and into the cash registers at pubs all around the island. Everything called for a celebration; night after night of wild partying and endless drinking. Liquor became almost a staple my friends and I couldn’t live without.
We soon ran out of reasons for such wild abandon, but we came up with excuses. And when those too ran out, well, we were young, what the heck, and why not celebrate youth? I was sleeping all day and clubbing all night. I got carried away, (I can see that now, on hindsight), and there was hardly any time to spend with Kevin. Kevin said I should practise some restraint. I told him he was my boyfriend, not my father, and I’m enjoying myself, so shut up. He couldn’t stop me and he couldn’t get me to stop myself. We saw less and less of each other. The day I got these Nikes, my birthday, we split.The thought of all this makes me unbelievably miserable. I hate myself for chasing him away, out of my life. What the hell was I thinking? Or was I just never sober enough to think? Suddenly, I feel sick. I feel my eyes welling with tears. The floodgates would soon open and I will cry and get even more upset. I will be one huge sorry crying mess and the last thing I wanted was to be one huge sorry crying mess here, amidst a sea of happy upbeat people. I don’t want to be sitting here, supposedly helping out at some rollerhockey course. Not at any time and even more so at a time like this. For the umpteenth time, I wondered what I was doing here.